some ragrets

Last Saturday, April 8th, I had the strongest impression that Sister Somppi and I needed to attend the baptism of Roy, a man who was taught by the elders in our district. I asked our Zone Leader’s if we could go, and they told us that because it was our district, we could! But, because the baptism was way out in Declo, they told us that it would only be worth it for us to attend if we could get an investigator to come with us. So, I started making calls. I tried 8 different investigators, and no one could make it. I was confused!! Why did I have this nagging feeling like we needed to go? Because I didn’t want to waste miles or time, and because we couldn’t find anyone to go with us or take us, we stayed at home to finish our companionship study. I could tell that something was off with Sister Somppi, she was feeling really sick and stressed. I suggested that we should take some time to lay on the floor and meditate, because that usually helps me to breath and clear my thoughts. Unfortunately, Sister Somppi had a panic attack. It was rather frightening. I felt terrible. Looking back, I know now that the prompting I had to go to the baptism was for Sister Somppi. If we had gone, Sister Somppi would not have had that panic attack. But I was SO caught up in the idea that an investigator needed to be there to make it worth it that I did not follow through. I apologized to Sister Somppi because I felt like I had failed. I didn’t listen to a prompting that would’ve helped my companion tremendously. This was really hard for me to take at first.

At Zone Training, the day before, Elder Willis passed out a Michael Jordan quote. It reads:
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
As missionaries, as people, how many times do we blow it? So often I’ll allow myself to be shy/scared and refuse to open my mouth and talk to someone we pass. Or I’ll see a house I feel like we should knock on but I’ll coddle my own anxieties and drive right by. In this case, I neglected to follow through on a prompting that would’ve saved my companion from a panic attack, because there at the baptism she would’ve felt support from other missionaries at the baptism, and the peaceful spirit there could have lifted her out of some of the depression she was feeling. But failing is how we learn! And the most vital thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need to hold onto the regrets, I no longer need to feel upset at the mistakes I’ve made. I can learn from them, and then move on. And because I have learned from those mistakes, I am a better person, missionary, friend, daughter, sister….
you get the idea.
I’m grateful for the sacrifice of our Savior who has made it possible for us to repent and change. We don’t have to be the same people we were yesterday! I know that it is only through Him that we are able to find true and lasting peace.
Sister Anna Hansen
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